life lessons

What is your first step?

A number of years ago, at the ripe old age of 24, I signed up to do the Mourne Marathon with a team of 3 other enthusiasts who had somehow managed to talk me into it. I had no idea what it actually entailed, or what the experience would be like, but I had the naivety of my youth on my side and an attitude of “how hard can it be anyway?”. On the day of the event, I rocked up with my rucksack and my walking boots, having embarked on a miniscule amount of training, but garnered by a strong belief that it would be a bit of fun and a great opportunity to spend time with my friends. I knew that the 3 others I was with were all experienced and actually a lot fitter than I was but unperturbed by that, I thought it will be a great experience and something I can look back on years later and tell my grandkids.  

6 hours in and after hauling myself in and out of marshy bogs the novelty had resoundingly worn off. I was tired, wet, cold and exhausted and with the thought of having to climb yet another mountain with no end in sight the novelty, fun and enjoyment I had anticipated had completely evaporated. I vividly remember standing at the bottom of the next mountain looking at the top and thinking “I just can’t go on.”  Tears trickled down my face in response to the size of the task ahead and the sheer sense of overwhelm I was experiencing.  My sense of belief in myself and my “I can do it” attitude had long since gone. Little did I know at that moment, I was about to experience one of the biggest lessons of my life. A lesson I have carried with me since then and shared numerous times with the people I have met along my life’s journey. 

As I stood there swamped by my thoughts of defeat and my feelings of failure, a stranger drew alongside me on the path. Seeing the level of distress I was experiencing, he obviously very quickly assessed the situation and recognised that he could help and asked the question which was to change the entire outcome of that event for me. He simply said, “can you take one more step?” I remember weighing up the possibility and deeply, genuinely asking myself “can I?” and after what felt like an eternity but was probably only about a minute or too at most, I quietly responded “yes.”  And that stranger walked me up that mountain, one step at a time. Did I feel amazing at the top – no in all honesty I was just glad it was one less to overcome, but what it introduced me to was the idea that questions can completely transform the reality in which we currently live. Little did I know at that stage that I would train to become a therapist and help other people to metaphorically climb mountains that they face, or that I would do that through the use of questions that I have learned along the way, all that came later, but what it did teach me was that when we are on a path of belief that we cannot go any further, whether that is due to anxiety, depression, losing a loved one, or a crippling loss of self-belief that stops us in our tracks, having someone who draws alongside us at just the right time, when we really need the support to keep going, can make all the difference in the world.

That guy didn’t know he would have such an impact on my life but the lesson that I learned through our connection, I have carried with me every day since.  He introduced me to the idea of possibility thinking, of reframing my view, and he helped me to take my focus of what I couldn’t do – climb the mountain, and instead to focus on what I could do – take the first step.